I gotta say I was excited for this one. A couple years ago, Liam Nesson came roaring back from the world of leads-who-have-become-character-actors with the B-grade action flick, Taken. In it he brought new meaning to Sally Field's proclamation, Not Without My Daughter. After 93 minutes of Liam tracking his kin across Europe with a variety of far-fetched methods (identifying perps by the way they say "Thank You" in Albanian), and watching him single-handedly take down the Parisian Human Trafficking trade, I left the theater brimming with the best kind of energy, throwing air punches while saying, "I will find you, and when I find you, I will kill you." Nesson had once again become the king of quiet menace, a throne he all but created in Sam Raimi's Darkman.

Unknown looked like a logical follow up, playing on a Bourne Identity locale and premise (Berlin and Amnesia). It's also directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, the man behind modern horror schlock classic Orphan, and the incredible House Of Wax, which not only showcases the lovely Kim Bauer from 24 (Elisha Cuthbert) covered in goo, but Paris Hilton's acting talents. To me this was a bromantic slam dunk. I phone Miles, told him to meet me at Crystal Charcoal on Holloway Road for dinner and to bring his Odeon Members Club card. Tonight it would be two men alone in the dark, stuffing their faces with lamb and chocolate covered brazil nuts in the pursuit of the true meaning of self. Men do their best psychological work this way. Trust me.

The first 40 minutes of this movie did not disappoint. But then again, you never really know if a movie's any good till after the first 40 (if it's truly terrible, you can tell in the first 15-20. Here's a thought: if Hollywood made all crappy flicks 45 minutes long and put 2 on a bill, it would revolutionize commercial cinema). Watching Liam stumble around Berlin for proof of his existence, pursued through German hospitals by a nurse-killing assassin wearing a pointless bluetooth headset, confiding in a show-stealing Bruno Ganz as a retired Stasi officer with whooping cough: this was all awesome. But as soon as we start to find out the secrets behind his replacement by a doppleganger at an international botany conference funded by a Saudi oil baron where a new strain of Supercorn that will end world hunger will be unveiled (ok maybe this movie was a little stupid in the first 40), the film falls apart.

I don't wanna know why Liam is confused and angry. I just wanna see Liam confused and angry. I like it when Liam yells at heads of hotel security for no reason, and points his finger at that mean Adian Quinn who has stolen his beautiful wife, January Jones aka Betty Draper from Mad Men. Betty why did you not recognize Liam? Liam is a good man, he love you. LIAM LOVES BETTY!

All we wanted (me and Miles) was Taken Part 2. We wanted to see Liam kick ass nonstop for 93 minutes. What we got was a film that tries to be clever and that's not what you look for from a director who makes commercials under the name Jaume. Jaume you got it right once before: cover Elisha in tight clothes and wax, and decapitate Paris in her cinematic debut. All you need to do is let Liam say the lines. Let him find them and let him kill them.

This really was a 2 and 1/2 star flick. I don't mind pushing it up .5 just for the scene with Frank Langella and Ganz. Two old cold war soldiers facing off to the death. That was dope. Otherwise, this film was a JVDVD.